Getting restful sleep is an important cornerstone to developing good habits. It is so important that I recommend getting rest as one of the first steps before setting out on building any other habits. Without it, maintaining and creating habits becomes a more formidable obstacle than it already is. There are many issues that may disrupt sleep. I will not be addressing all of them, but one of the major obstacles is worry.
The great adversaries to sleep are worry and anxiety. Consider how busy our lives are with the responsibilities of school, work, and keeping up with friends and family, and the minor distractions that fill the gaps in between. I picture the day as a jar filled with these huge rocks of responsibilities that are filled in with the sand and pebbles of small errands and distractions. If we were to critically examine our day, there is very little time (if any) for silence. And this is the challenging part of falling asleep: it is the only time where you are alone with your thoughts, in a sort of noisy silence. This silence can be very daunting to some, as our minds are forced into reflecting, thinking, and – most dreadful of all – worrying. Similar to our Responsibilities and Distractions Jar, the Worry Jar has anxieties big and small. Uncertainty of the future, relationship issues, a family member who is gravely ill are all the big rocks one can have. The small pebbles fill in the spaces in between – awkward conversations, you forgot to run an errand, did you forget to lock the back door, etc. The space of these jars just seems to fill in and occupy 100% of our mental space.
How to Stop Worrying
The time it takes to develop these cornerstone habits is contingent on the severity of your worrying. I would like to disclose that this advice is not a substitute for mental help from a professional. If you have a severe case of anxiety or insomnia, see a doctor. For those that are in a mild worry rut, here are the habits:
- Identify the problem in detail. Often what is causing the worry is confusion. Sometimes the worry is caused by the worry of the issue, causing a chain reaction. Isolate the problems in order to make it more manageable. Then consider that the problem cannot be solved at that moment (your primary goal is to fall asleep), then record your problems in your to-do list to deal with later. This should alleviate a substantial portion of the worry. Small tip: keep a clean, organized bedroom, keep your phone away from reach, and keep out any clutter that might remind you of your worries (to-do lists, homework, tax paperwork..)
- Practice slow and deliberate breathing. While laying flat on your bed, concentrate on your breathing. Be mindful and concentrate all your thoughts on inhaling and exhaling slowly. You don’t need to take in large gasps of air here, what is important is that you relax your mind and body, and slow down rushing, incoherent thoughts.
- Distract yourself with someone else’s problems: read a book, listen to a podcast. Tired of being the protagonist of your life? Observe another protagonist tackle his own problems. Whether it helps solve your problems or it serves as a distraction. Recreation is important in this circumstance because these particular distractions do not numb nor delay the worry, but actively mitigate it.
If you insist on using your phone or computer right before bed, get a blue-light filter (there are apps for this.) The blue light emitted from screens keeps you awake by tricking the brain it is daytime. But I would strongly recommend against this. The distractions afforded by these mediums are not productive and will only delay your worries and anxieties to when you are trying to fall asleep.
These habits are not overnight cure-alls. Expect to put some consistent, daily practice in these for at least a few weeks (or more, depending on the severity of your worry.) I have found these three methods have worked for me in helping reduce worry. Of course, it isn’t completely eliminated, but its effect on my sleep is substantially diminished.
